Every mum in England
fears enjoys the school run, but with 5 children, the fun starts way before we leave the house. Everything has to be carefully planned and prepared in advance, the Roman invasion was a walk in the park for procrastinating hippies compared to my scheduling every morning. With 4 children in 3 different schools, a toddler and 2 cats, who all think they have not been feed since last month (instead of last night…well, actually L’Ado spends half the night stealing food from the fridge, and the other half leaving a trail of empty and dirty plates all the way from the microwave to his room), it’s fun!
-the breakfast: the girls usually fight like psychopath kitten over the pink cereal bowl. No problem, you can have the green and the blue ones, stop complaining, it’s a feminist issue! L’Ado is asleep in front on the coffee maker, one foot resting in the cats ‘bowl, with his long (way too long) hair swimming happily in his cup of coffee who slowly inundates the whole kitchen. GeekAdo does not enjoy the agitation. He does not approve of disorder, disorganisation or improvisation. Breakfasts should be organised properly, his coco pops should be arrange in military order. Toddler 5 wants a cup of coffee, like L’Ado. Or maybe some coco pops. Well no, actually, he will have a cereal bar, like PrincesseChipie. No, that’s not what he wanted, he needs to have PrincesseDiva’s cereals. Noooooow!!! L’Ado is wakened suddenly by the screaming toddler running around like a police car on steroids, he drops his coffee directly on his shoe (he is only wearing one), starts a rant on breakfast being fascists, goes to see if there is any leftover pizza and falls back asleep with his hair resting in the butter, directly in the fridge. Toddler 5 settles for the cats’ food. I stop him just in time, give him a yogurt and rescue the cats that he had cornered between the sleeping L’Ado and the coffee maker, using his toy hammer.
-the uniforms: it’s always 10 minutes before we need to leave that one of the boys realises he does not have clean trousers (well, clean and without a big unexplained hole that appeared suddenly on the right leg, all by itself). Or one of the girls, acting completely out of character, decides she fells generous enough today to help clean the breakfast table. Directly with her school jumper. Her only ironed school jumper. If it’s freezing cold, the little one demands to wear her summer dress. GeekAdo screams like an hysterical hyena, pretending I am trying to strangle him with his tie, whereas I am merely helping him. L’Ado doesn’t care, he is wearing his directly on the left ear. Just when we are about to leave, I realise that PrincesseChipie and PincesseDiva are wearing each other dresses: one is tripping over it while the over use it as a scarf. Neither thinks it’s a problem. L’Ado is about to go to school still wearing one of his zombie tshirt. He didn’t notice, honest. I offer him another coffee with the delusional hope of waking him, and ask him to get changed. He wants to be quick and tears his shirt sleeve on his doorknob, ties it up around the shoulder, it’s ok, mum, nobody will notice under the blazer. I don’t think coffee is the solution here.
-the accessories: it’s when he has PE that L’Ado realises he only has a green sleeper in his PE bag. No idea of what happened to his trainers. GeekAdo suddenly remembers that he needs a carrot, 124 gr of flour, 737.14 gr of grated cheddar and one onion for school (they are making pancakes, don’t ask). And we also have to carry one or two of the wonderful educational projects that teachers insist on giving the kids just to ruined our weekends,
-Mamaaaaaaaaaan, (my children are bilinguals. Sometimes), the cat is all over my Roman fort made with toilet rolls! Mamaaaaaaaaan…..
-move her, take your
horror work of art with you, and let’s go, we ‘re going to be late.
-but, it’s all squashed, it’s all flaaaaaaaaat now, mamaaaaan!!!
-not at all, it’s historically correct. It’s been flatten by the Iceni and Boudicca it’s perfect!
All these before 8:30. I hate school runs.