Clown attack

Apart from a few exceptions, the Bristish media are terribly busy right now. They have to make sure they do not do their job. Why talk about the pound’s abyssmal fall, the whole economy plunging into decay, and the end of the British democracy as we know it? Let’s be serious, the media cannot let the people know, imagine if they get ideas and realise what Theresa May and her racist henchmen (and women) are doing? Of course the venerable BBC is completely dedicated to this huge operation of misinformation to please our dear leader the prime minister. So they rather talk about the real problems. Like clowns. No, not the gouvernement of xenophobic brexiters, but some other  insane losers really dressing up as clown to scared innocent passersby just for the fun of it. 


Well apparently, coulrophobia is one of the most commun phobia in England. See what a good job the BBC is doing, I have learn a new word! One that I can easily use again, surely…Now, thanks to the BBC, I know you don’t say: ” I don’t like the circus, I finds clowns utterly boring and as funny as an undertakers convention in a dilapidated slaughter house”  but “I suffer from coulrophobia”. Be aware, there are various stages in this coulrophobia (told you I would use it again). You have the very brave, who are not normally afraid of clowns but don’t like them when they suddenly jump on them out of nowhere. They suffer for occasional coulrophobia. It’s completely different from permanent coulrophobia, which affects people who are constantly scared of clowns. And I won’t even talk about political coulrophobia…but let’s go back to our clowns. There are not professional clowns, they are only trying to scare people. It started in America, and it’s spreading here as we approach Halloween. These stupid clowns hide behind bushes and jump out to run after their victims. And they think it’s funny.

We even have one of these clowns in my village! I would have say they were quite a lot of them, but I have been told that I am cynical. Everybody was talking about the local clown at the school gate. The brother of the neighbour’s cousine of someone who knows one of the PTA mums ‘sister in law has seen him (the clown) on the village green, at night. Aargh…or not. I don’t want  to be difficult here, but what was this coulrophobic person doing on the village green at that time, hum? Especially as it was raining.

-You don’t realise, the police is involved, they caught him on CCTV cameras! There, what do you have to say to that ?

– Well, I don’t know, maybe that there is no camera on the village green?

-hum, yes… but no, I mean, he was caught on mobile phone. And the police have seen the footage, and it’s horrible, a psychopath dressed as a clown is going to kill us all. 

Sure. And your mysterious witness was so terrified that the only thing he could think of was to film the whole incident on his mobile. But you are totally righ. I won’t be laughing if a clown jumped on me from behind a bush at nigh. The guy who not only dresses up as a clown, manages to get into our home (and since the burglary, we have had an amazing security system installed, every time we sneeze a police patrol storms into our front room) but does it while carrying a bunch of tree branches to recreate a bush in our bedroom, just to jump out of it, well that guy is obviously deranged. 

But the most worrying thing about the clowns epidemic, and I would never thank the BBC enough for having the courage to point at the real problems here, is that they tarnished the real clowns reputation. Because of them, professional clowns, the one that are supposed to make children laugh are finding it more and more difficult to get a job. This county has enough worries without  having to deal with a increase in clowns unemployment. The real clowns cannot even get a job in gouvernement, it’s already full.

A French version of this post already appeared on Pomdepin in wonderland.

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5 Responses to Clown attack

  1. It’s not the first time that it happened. What has the Police done?….
    And what’s going to happen during Halloween? and Xmas?…..!!


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