Among the tons of nonsense that our great leader Theresa May tells everyday, there was her now famous maxim ‘if you believe you are a citizen of the world, you are a citizen of nowhere’. I will not comment on the linguistic vacuity, because for someone who is known for relentlessly answering “brexit means brexit ” to absolutely everything, it’s a good effort. More than three words, wow! Sorry I’m being unfair, she also says constantly: the will of the people … hop, 5 words at once. Hello Theresa, how are you this morning? brexit means brexit! Ok … would you like a coffee? The will of the people! Aaah, and do you go on holiday this Christmas? Brexit means brexit. It’s crazy, the poor woman has more pairs of shoes than vocabulary. Still, even when she manages a longer sentence, it does not make sense. I do not want to be picky, but the world is not nowhere, quite the contrary, the world is everywhere. Or, the government will come up with an anti Martian policy? Of course, with all these extra terrestrials coming here steal the job of honest xenophobic and unemployed Englishmen who refuse to work. I cannot wait for a visa for Martians. Since the brexit ministers draw their inspiration directly from the Sun, it’s just a matter of time. We’ll have martians doctors, but only until 2025. We will make exceptions for bankers or UFO builders, but that’s it.
I admit that before the high prietress Theresa, the ‘North Star of the narrow thinking’ spoke about it, I’d never considered the question of world citizenship. But since, I have looked it up, and found a few people who have said at one point or another that they consider themselves citizen of the worlds. Of course, they are all insane morons according to ‘our great nation sun’ (I’ve just found a list of official titles for Kim Jung-il of North Korea, I thought I could reuse them for Theresa. And yes, it makes me laugh). So on one side, we have Theresa May, Boris Johnson (himself a bi-national ) and a handful of Tories supporters with their brain in a liquidised state that is an insult to the name of their party (the Conservatives) and on the other side ridiculous citizens of world like Nelson Mandela, the Dalai Lama, Bill Gates, Socrates, Einstein …all ignorant people and probably dangerous ones too. And these world citizens are everywhere! Even the United Nations have created an award named “citizen of the world” and have given it to internationalist criminals like Bill Clinton, Pele, Angelina Jolie and Richard Branson (who is British, btw…). It’s crazy! Fortunately, the ‘Light beam from the mountain Ben Nevis’ (Yeah, I adapted it to the local geography … at the same time, Ben Nevis is in Scotland, it could become obsolete soon as a title for Theresa May) will explain that they are idiots. The manifesto of a party that plunges happily into fascism is more important than a United Nations declaration which claims to defend peace, the environment, education for all and wants to promote democracy. Ahaha. She will not talk to someone who claim that people are equal regardless of where they were born while she knows that this is false, the English, car manufacturers and jam producers are obviously superiors.
Seriously, dear Theresa, I must thank you. Before you taught me so, I did not even know I was a migrant. I thought I was just an average person, just like my neighbours. And I did not understand why some in my country of origin were also disgusted by expats the way your supporters are by immigrants. Ahaha. Well, thanks to you, I know now that it’s all linked. This is of course because I am a citizen of nowhere. I am Franco British, with French roots which I am very happy to have, but you are right, I feel no attachment whatsoever to my French passport. It’s just a piece of paper that allows me to travel. I do not consider either that being born somewhere by chance gives me any advantage over people born elsewhere also by chance . When I see the wars, the hatred, and everyday racism, I admit that anything approaching a triumphant, excluding and aggressive nationalism makes me want to vomit. When I see the a*sholes of the BNP or EDL parading with their English flags and swastikas, I’m sick. When I see your definition of citizenship, dear Theresa May (‘greater incarnation of the brexit revolution’…I adapted again, but it sounds good, right?), I can say that yes I am a citizen of nowhere. And I am proud of it.
A French version of this post has already been published on Pomdepin in Wonderland